I cried today....

and its been a while since I've cried. I was thinking about that the other day...and I'm sure I've had some good reasons for a good cry (especially when I'm trying to wrangle two screaming babies by myself)...but I haven't cried in probably two months.

But I cried today.

Today was the day (one year ago) that my babies were concieved. Not just Carter and Caelyn...but 9 beautiful embabies were concieved on this day. When we were doing IVF I just prayed and prayed that only the children I could keep would be concieved. I prayed that only 4 embryos would be made...and that two embabies would be able to be freezed so that I could have all of them.

I know that there are many differing views on this topic...but I believe that those were my children....that they ARE my children....

And I cried today.

I cried because I can see these two beautiful children before me...and know there were 7 others. That I'll never kiss their chubby cheeks or see their faces light up in a smile. I'm not sure how it goes in heaven...if they'll still be a bunch of cells...or if they'll be adult people that I can talk to...I'm not sure how all that works. So I guess I will see them someday...

But I still cried for them today.

Thank you God for my two little miracles...and the seven others that are with You now...I never thought I'd ever be a mommy...thank You for giving me these two precious gifts...I will treasure them always.