Just plain tubby.

That's how I'm feeling.

I told my K team that I am expecting twins and one of them said "That doesn't surprise me...you're showing already!!"

Hmmm....that ain't baby, honey...its all chub. If you can squish it together and hold it in your hands...I'm thinkin' its chub.

But she told me to just enjoy it. Well...I think that'd be easier if I could tell the whole world I was expecting...but now I'm a bit self conscious. Because don't get me wrong....I WANT to wear maternity clothes!! I WANT to look preggo!!! But when its not baby making my belly poke out (which maybe its bloat because my intestines are moving a bit slower) and I'm only almost 7wks...its a little...different.

So I decided to do the unthinkable. I'm taking a belly pic. That's right. A post-IVF-bloated-non-exercised-tummy shot. So here I am at 6wks and 4days.

I'm so glad I look as far along as you Ashley!!!!!!!! Lol...I think you were in way better shape than I was when I started though!!! I also think the babies have taken residence in my love handles as well. *wink*

Today I actually went bra shopping because these girls aren't stayin' in the ones I have...normally I'm a 36 D...so I hit up the mall today and tried on some 36DD. They felt absolutely WONDERFUL....but they were just as equally UGLY!!! I couldn't bring myself to do it yet...I told myself that I'm only 6wks and they'll grow more so I can hang out in my old bras a bit longer (to save money of course!!)...but they seriously felt marvelous...don't know why I care about vanity at this point.

And I've been reading up on what I need to be eating...an additional 500 to 600 calories!!! Oh boy!!! Trying to get my fruits, protein, veggies, grains etc etc in...but I'm definitely hungry so it hasn't been too much of a problem. I'm just trying to make good choices and not fill up on JUNK...because Ch.ik-f.il-A definitely sounds fabulous at any time of the day!!!!!!!!

As far as symptoms...well...one I didn't know was a symptom but I have it. Shortness of breath. I've been in the classroom, explaining things to my Kindergarteners...then I usually retell the directions in a song (to the tune of if you're happy and you know it) "Write your name and then fold your hands....write your name and then fold your hands......." But now when I sing...I was getting all winded and I had to pause in the song to catch my breath.

Then I really felt tubby.

But I read yesterday that this is ok and will probably get worse as the pregnancy continues!! I just need lots of oxygen in there!!!

Those little parasites are just taking everything!!!!!!!!!! But I love them so....

THERE ARE TWO PEAS...

IN MY BOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I said bod...and yeah ITS TWINNERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They put the lovely sonogram thingy in and immediately I saw two black dots...silly me though "Oh those are my eggs..." Silly girl. They kept looking around and didn't freeze on the two dots....so I thought they were eggs cause they bypassed them!!! Guess they were looking for MORE!!

DH said "Um...was that two????"

The RE was like "You have very good eyes...."

MY EYES GOT HUGE and I sat up....WHAT?????????? THERE'S TWO???? PRAISE GOD!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!

They went back to the black dots and I saw two little flickering heartbeats!!!!!!!!!!! One is a little smaller but he said that's totally fine and they look great!!! I go back on Sept 8th and if all is well then...I GRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow....I am just soooooooooo thankful...especially since my "scare"...I was so worried there was nothing in there!!!

Can't believe there's two. NO WONDER I'M STARVING ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!

God is so good...

I am still praying...its scary being "high risk"...and I know its so early...but I'm doing my best once again to trust God....and I need to get that book supernatural childbirth to help with that I hear *wink*.

So without further adieu.....BABY W TIMES TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling good!!

Just wanted to let you guys know that I had no cramping at all today...and no spotting either!! PHEW!!!!!!!!! I may even have had my first true episode of MORNING SICKNESS!! YAYAYAYAYAYY!!!! I was STARVING at 5am....but decided to wait in bed and try to fall back asleep...then at 5:30 I was like...I gotta get something....and as soon as I stood up I was dry heaving....all the way downstairs!!! Then finally I grabbed some saltines and started shoving them down my throat and felt sooooo much better!!! Those saltines now have a permanant home on my nightstand...just in case.

I'm excited/nervous about the u/s tomorrow!!! Thankfully DH can go with me so I'm looking forward to it!!

I'll let you all know!

Another scare...

This morning I went to put my insert in, (with strangely stronger cramps towards the center of my abdomen), pulled it out and saw PINK on the tip of the applicator!!! I was freaking. I saw some of that tannish color on my liner again...and I just started crying and praying.

DH came home and I told him my cramps were stronger and felt different and told him about the spotting. I had to go to work though...I have parent/teacher conferences!! So I hopped in the car, still sniffling, and I noticed something blocking my view of the spedometer.

DH had written a note that said "I LOVE YOU" on a sentence strip I had left in the car!

Now, he had no idea how my morning had been up until then...somehow he has a sixth sense about me having a rough day though and ends up doing sweet things! (Maybe its God giving him a little nudge!)

Of course all that made me sob even more. I got to work and probably went to the bathroom seven times before my first conference...each time having a small amount of that tannish color. (For you teachers...its exactly the color of a sentence strip...I realized that today..so NOT brown...just like off white-ish) Then I wiped one last time before my first conference...and there was light BROWN tissue like things on the paper. I near lost it again...how on earth was I going to get through the day?????????

When I got out of the bathroom, the parents and student were waiting for me in my classroom...so I tried to get through the conference as quickly as possible...my eyes embarrassingly filling up with tears every few minutes...I'd pretend to look in the hallway and blink furiously.

Finally it was over and I raced to the bathroom again...pantiliner all clear...TP all clear. Still oddly crampy.

Ok...I thought...you can do this...just get through lunch...then if you have to go...just have your aide finish the conferences.

So no more spotting at all today...maybe a little of that light (sentence strip) tan (almost yellow really....ew) on the pantiliner. And the cramps went away too. I still called my nurse at lunch and she was concerned about the little tissue-like pieces, so she asked when my u/s was scheduled for, so I explained about how I couldn't come in until Tuesday, and she asked what my schedule was like this Thursday and thankfully its identical to Tuesday so I made an appointment for 10:30!!

So 10:30 on Thursday I will HOPEFULLY have some peace of mind...I really was praying all the way to work...trying to give my fear and anxiety over to God...man is that hard...especially when its something you want SO BAD...and you finally have a taste of it....and its GOOD STUFF!!! *sigh*

I will let you girls know what happens....but like I said...no cramps right now...so maybe it was just random cramping and spotting??? Maybe I scraped something inside and that's what made the pink?

On a happier note...my dad opened his card on Sunday...my aunt had me on the phone and I heard people talking in the room (couldn't hear him read it) and then I heard a big yell from everyone in the room. Then I heard my mom sobbing...and she grabbed the phone from my aunt...

Mom: *sob* *sob* I'm crying!!! *sob* *sob* How *sob* far along *sob* are you???

Dad: WHICH DAUGHTER IS THIS FROM!!!!!??????????

Lol...my little sister just got married...so it could have been her too!! :o)

Anyhoo...I have seven little ones tomorrow...good 'ol staggered days for kindergarten...so I'm just going to take it easy...and then Thursday will be the big day.

Praying Praying Praying

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Beta #3 ----- 3,341!!!!

YAY!!! That's a little more than doubled!!! Go baby W!!!! I definitely had a nightmare last night that involved me call my Aunt and telling her when she got the surprise package for my dad's 50th birthday, just hang on to it because there was no surprise! It was awful.

Though I also had a dream that I was still preggo with this little one and we were accepted to adopt this adorable little girl!! Random. :o)

So my u/s is scheduled for next Friday. One problem...in my excitement I forgot I don't have off on Fridays anymore. BOO. Next Friday is definitely my third stagger day with kindergarteners (we have three days where only 5 or 6 students come in and we show them the ropes...they are clueless!)...so there is no way I can call out then. The next week is their first official week...once again...a bad time to call out. The sonographer for pregnancies is only in from 9:15am- 11:45am!!!

I wouldn't feel comfortable calling out until at least the Friday TWO WEEKS FROM NOW!!!!! AHHHHH. That is absolute torture. But I may have to do it. I have to lay down the foundation for these little ones...and my RE's office is 30 mins + from my work.

Bummer.

Hmmm...sorry I'm really just thinking aloud here but...I think I have specials from 10:30-11:30 on Tuesdays...then the kids go to lunch and recess. My aide could totally help out and transfer them!!!

Crisis averted??!!!!

MAYBE!!!!!

Allright I made it. Rescheduled the appt. for Tuesday at 10:45!! My aide can read them a book for that extra 15 mintues. PHEW!!!!!

Thanks for sticking that out with me...lol...

Thanks girls...

I'm soooooooooooo glad I have you guys!!! I can do a bunch of scary research online (who knows what you'll come up with!!!) or I can just ask my girls...so thanks for all the encouraging words.

Definitely no blood on the liner...just that off-white color. I decided to think positively and made my dad's 50th birthday card. Check it out! I made it like a book. And dumb blogger wouldn't let me put these horizontal instead of vertical...even though I changed and saved it that way on Pi.casa. Silly thing. So I apologize to your necks...but indulge me. *wink*

Cover: Happy 50th Birthday Dad!

Page 1: Woah. You are really old.

Page 2: You are old enough to be a...

THE END!!

My mom is so going to be jealous that I mainly focused on my dad...but its his 50th...that's a big one!! She's only gonna be 49...maybe next year I'll cook her up #2 *wink* (hows that for positive thinking!!!!!!!!) Then I'll have this paper in the box (they live on the other side of the country...so I won't be there...*sigh*)

Yeah....I covered our names...some of you know our names...but just in case there are any psychos out there!! :o) Then I'll have a Noah's Ark puzzle that they can complete and frame for the baby's room (my mom loves puzzles).

Now I need to try to get some sleep...it feels like I toss and turn all night now. But in one of my borrowed pregnancy books (a gal from work got me the HOOK UP!!) it says that losing sleep is normal and gets you ready for being with a newborn baby. Yikes...as I've said before...I'm not so nice if I don't get...8 or 9 hours solid sleep.

But I'm willing to make the sacrifice...with a smile. :o)

A little nervous...

My number came back good...Beta #2 1,320.

However.

I keep getting cramps...and when I asked the nurse about this she said that was from the Endo.metrin inserts.

Okay...I feel a little better about that...not much though.

When my first beta came back positive they lowered my dose of the inserts from three times a day to twice a day.

The day after that (yesterday) my normally white as snow pantiliner (TMI TMI) was not so white as snow...more like...off white. I was like. OH. NO. It was just a little bit and nothing happened when I wiped so I tried not to get nervous.

Then today it happened again...only more this time. And each pantinliner I've had on today (with the inserts you change them quite frequently) has had some of this off-whiteness. I truly wouldn't classify this as brown spotting...more like...light light light tan.

But its making me nervous. I keep praying "God...please keep my baby safe in there...please. I want this baby so bad!"....and I keep thinking "Is God enough for me? Am I still making this baby my "idol" if you will? Is He enough even if I don't ever carry a baby in my arms???" Those are questions I don't want to answer at this moment. But of course He's enough. I know He will be holding me no matter what happens...and will be closer than ever if something goes wrong.

Please God...don't let anything go wrong...

My 'lil Poppy Seed

According to "The Bum.p" my little one is the size of a poppy seed...today that is. As of tomorrow it will be an apple seed. But I thought it would be fun to take pics of me with each of the food items on that list.

So here are my two poppy seeds!!! If there are two in there that is!! All those white specks are the little hars on my belly...ew. :o) They are sooo little!! Kinda scary!! But at least you don't need a microscope to see them!

And here is me with the lovely bagel that we took the seeds from. Its really hard...not edible. We bought this thing almost a week ago for this picture. DH tried to be really sweet and surprised me with a bagel (after I was talking about getting this one the night before)...but it had sesame seeds on it! A little bigger..but still a sweet gesture!! :o) Oh and do you love my stress zit. Good 'ol work starting and new pregnancy...good grief...that's quite a crater. *sigh*

This is the picture I have hanging on my fridge! Yay for embabies!!

Can't wait to see tomorrow's number...please be a good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1st Beta!

I woke up early this morning (my appt was at 7am!) and JUST got the call (that was a loooong five hours and twenty minutes).

Beta #1 ----- 701!!!

Praise the Lord!!!

So that's 19dpo...sounds like a high number, but since they waited so long...it was bound to be high.

Go back on Wednesday for Beta #2!

Nurse's orders...

My nurse told me to POAS today (not knowing that I already had) to "prepare" myself for tomorrow...so I sure did...

I'm thinkin' it might be good news tomorrow!!!!!!! That control line is lighter than the preggo line!!! Man this doesn't get old...gets expensive though!

I'm done...no more POAS. :o)

!!!!!!!!!DEET!!!!!!!!!

DH's family doesn't know about the pregnancy yet. (Yeah...I peed on a digital stick at DH's request...still preggo...PHEW) We want to tell his parents first...with a puzzle ("we've found our missing piece..."). But there we were at a BBQ at his Granny's pool. Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, siblings...everyone's there.

Including some uninvited guests.

MOSQUITOS.

So everyone is spraying OFF! all over their bodies...everyone but me. The mosquitos weren't getting me and I kept telling everyone that...and I said that I didn't want to get all sticky. As the evening progressed I thought I was safe.

Until, I was lounging on one of the chairs next to DH's uncle...who grabbed the OFF! and started spraying my feet a million times. I didn't want his family to find out this way...so I quite calmly sat there and told him AGAIN that I didn't want any. DH's mother (who I KNOW has figured out I'm pregnant...she keeps slipping in little sneaky comments..."Oh...you know you can't eat tuna fish when you're pregnant...right??") says to the uncle "Give me that bottle!" She tries to read it and can't because she doesn't have her glasses...she hands me the bottle and says "See if this has DEET in it." I nonchalontly say "Oh is that bad?" and she just as nonchalontly says "Oh I don't like it...its not good for SOME people"

Lol...we need to tell that lady already.

So I read the bottle (which TRULY I didn't think would have DEET in it...it was the family kind and if its not good for fetuses I figured it wouldn't be good for little kids!) and it said DEET 5%.

I shot out of my seat...mumbling something about needing to go to the bathroom....and scrubbed my feet so good in the sink...I was nervous!!!!! I went over to DH and told him we'd better make an announcement soon or someone is going to unintentionally hurt our baby!!!!!

DH went over to the uncle and said "No more bug spray okay?".

That was it.

So now the uncle thinks I "tattled" on him...and felt like I needed DH to tell him to bug off (BUG OFF HAHAHHAHA...sorry) *wink* The uncle was a little shocked and looked at me and said "So you really don't like this stuff huh?" And I answered really lamely "Oh yeah...it makes me all sticky and the mosquitos really aren't biting me."

End of story. Hopefully Baby W. is still in there...goin' strong after that little incident. Good grief.

Symptoms: Bbs major hurting...just like with the HCg shot...every time the bra comes off...yow-zah! Still some major cramping at times...but if I rest or eat usually I feel better. Definintely tired and definitely eating every two hours or so...just had a bowl of cheer.ios...before bed...not good. :o)

Tears, Tears and MORE *HAPPY* TEARS!!!

I still find this whole thing absolutely unbelievable...I randomly burst into tears when I think...I'm pregnant!!! All those years...all those tears...and finally these are tears of joy!! I still need to wait for that beta...but seeing those two lines has transformed my life.

At the mall...see a stroller...don't wince and turn the other way.

Hear a kid shouting "mommy!"...don't feel sad...instead...very hopeful.

Hang out with preggo friend...don't try to emotionally filter all that she's saying...instead...smile at the fact that we're both growing new life within us.

WOW...what an amazing feeling. Seriously ladies...if this can happen to me (and believe me...even now I'm having trouble believing it) IT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU!!!

I just find myself overwhelmed with the need to praise God for this amazing miracle...and with each cramp and twinge I think "Is that you God? With your knitting needles, knitting my baby together in my womb??"

I still catch myself being anxious about blood test...and then I think of my rainbow and remember that no matter the result...God is in control...and He knows the plans He has for me...

Still joyful...

but definitely still praying!

I didn't POAS today...I didn't have any more of that same brand so I thought that maybe with a different brand I'd get a lighter line and be concerned about it. Maybe I'll POAS tomorrow...but I was thinking...

According to the nifty www.ivf.ca website I'm 3w6days preggo...that's not much at all!!! And a lot could happen in the week (six days actually) that I have to wait for my beta.

I called to see if my beta could get changed to Friday (I didn't mention I'd POASed already...not sure how my nurse would have felt about that...I don't think she encourages it) and she said that would be way too early and no they couldn't change it. *sigh* She said the best she could tell me was to POAS on Sunday night and that way I would have an idea of what the results would be. So if she thinks Friday is way too early...me testing for the past three days was probably not my best idea....but an IVF girl sometimes has just GOTTA KNOW....ya know?? We've already been waiting long enough!!!

*sigh*

I had hubby come to my school this morning and finish shoving the furniture around...I felt a little helpless...and a little spoiled. :o) I liked it. Then I came home and took a 2 1/2 hour nap...I was SOOOOOOO tired.

I think I was soooo tired because its hard to get back to sleep after POAS...and that's another reason why I didn't POAS today...I wanted to try to sleep in!!!!!! (didn't work...still up at 5)

Think about it....by the time you're awake enough to pee into a cup...(just in case you need to do another test!!)...your heart starts pumping....then you dip the stick...cap it...set it on the bathtub ledge. Finish your business and stare....adrenaline REALLY going now...finally two lines!!!!! YYAYAYAYAYAYY....hop back in bed and......sleep??????? NO WAY!!! I've been up at 5 am for the past three days and it was gettin' to me!

My bbs are finally starting to get some pain back in them...not as strong yet, but when I went to roll over in the middle of night I winced a little and I was like YAY. I'm still cramping pretty bad...like I really want to take a tylenol...but I won't. Its certainly not immobilizing cramps though....just achy. Still crying over everything...could be a little bit of the stress of IVF too.

My dad's 50th birthday is August 22nd...what would make him feel more old (and happy of course!!) than telling him he's going to be a Grandpa!!!!!??? But I'm not gonna tell them quite yet....I think I'm going to wait until my mom's birthday on September 11th (she doesn't like her birthday...bad things always happen...we had a hurricane once when we lived in Hawaii...she had to leave her birthday cake in the fridge when we were evacuated....my dog had to be put to sleep on her birthday another year...and we all know what happend in 2001) So this might turn things around for her!!! But I figure by then I'll hopefully have seen a heartbeat and I can give them the puzzle that I want them to work on and mount for the baby's room.

Anyhoo...DH is hollering up the stairs that the burgers are ready and I'm hungry!!!

Keep the prayers comin'!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!

Preggo???????

"The Lord has done great things for us. And we are filled with joy."!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally got a BFP!!!!!!! Well, three to be exact...hoping this is it!!!!!!!!!! I really feel like I have no business creating this post...ME?? With a BFP????????????? Unbelievable!!! Yeah...I think I'm "preggo"...but not the "traditional" way!! :o)

So here are the tests...you be the judge!

Can you see the line on there? I took this one after watching a movie so I'd only waited to pee for like an hour and a half. I decided on a whim to take it...I remembered I had an old test in the bathroom so I whipped it out and peed on it. It was definitely negative...so I put it on the sink...angry at myself for even thinking about using the test. Then I pulled up my pants, glanced in the mirror and looked down at the test...WAS THAT A LINE??????!!!! I started sobbing uncontrollably...and praying...please please please let it be a line!!!

The next morning I took another one...

Sure enough, it was positive too...my camera isn't the best. I hope you all can see them!! DH was working when I took the first one, but I didn't tell him because I was so nervous it wasn't real. Then because this one was positive, I put it on the kitchen counter with that onesie I bought (That says "Daddy's Answered Prayers") and put Espie next to it too. Then I went upstairs and went back to sleep. I woke up to the front door opening...some shuffling downstairs and then THUMP THUMP THUMP (DH racing up the stairs) and a big smile coming through the doorway!! :o)

Had to test again this morning...its slightly darker again...

I still don't feel like this is real. I went shopping with my definitely pregnant friend and she needed to go into the mother.hood store...and I still felt like an "imposter" (as Katie would say *wink*)...I ALMOST bought a shirt...it said "Made With Love". I thought it was perfect because boy did I have to do some work to make this baby (with lots of help from God of course!!!)...but it was a labor of love!! :o) But I couldn't do it. I couldn't buy it yet. I felt like they were all looking at me like "You really have no business being here...or buying that". *sigh*

DH is so happy...and I am doing my best to enjoy each moment of this pregnancy...its hard when you're trying to be cautiously optimistic...but I'm just trying to trust God and His plan.

I'm really hoping my blood test can be moved from Monday to Friday...Monday is just too long to wait...and I was reading that some of you gals only had to wait 14dper to get your first beta...and I have to wait 18 days! Actually 19 because my 18th lands on a Sunday. *sigh* I guess as long as these tests keep coming back positive I could MAYBE wait that long! :o)

Thank you all for your prayers...Keep 'em comin'!!!!!

Lack of symptoms?

So I know I'm not supposed to be listening to my body...cuz my body's a big fat liar.

BUT...

My breasts are no longer sore. Like a few days ago I would stand up to pee in the middle of the night and just gravity pulling them down would hurt like crazy and I would have to prop them up with one hand. My nips were extra sensitive...putting on/taking off my bra hurt so bad.

NOW...

Nada...zip...I can push, shove, punch those girls and NOTHING. Maybe slight tenderness near the armpit area...but I think I normally have that before AF. They've been disturbingly pleasant for the past two days. Boo.

And I def have cramps...off and on but they are there. And the tears...when do they stop?? Poor DH.

Boo for my body.

BOO!!!

Still happily PUPO though...enjoying the thought that it could be possible...I fall asleep each night with my hand over my belly...praying for those little guys.

*sigh*

Bring it.

I'm ready for...whatever nature brings me!!!!! :o)

(Okay okay...pregnancy would definitely be a GOD thing!!! Kindof a miracle...but you get my drift)

They only had one of each type of pregnancy test left at the store...so I got one of each! I chose this store because it has the self checkout...and I was a bit embarrassed to buy all these tests at once!!

I got a little basket, bought a few other random things so it wasn't the only thing I was buying and headed to checkout. I quickly scanned my items and pressed the "Finish and Pay" button. A loud computerized voice said "COUPON NOT VALID".

HUH??? WHAT COUPON??? SHUTEE AND LET ME PAY!!!

I tried again.

"COUPON NOT VALID PLEASE ASK FOR ASSISTANCE."

Cue face turning pink.

The GUY who was working there came over, started fiddling with the machine, started highlighting items I bought so that PREGNANCY TEST was in super large letters across the screen. Great.

The couple behind me figured I was taking too long so they scooted past me to stand behind another checkout station...as they were walking past I heard the girl say to her guy in a sweet whiny voice "I wanna baby honey...I really want a baby..."

Oh boy.

Finally the clerk asked me to gather my items and head over to HIS cash register so he could ring me up again. Thankfully he got one of his superiors and SHE rang me up. My face was so red...not sure why...I get embarrassed buying tampons and other female stuff...and this is something that I really WANT to happen...but I guess it was just that I bought all these different brands. One box would suffice for a normal person I'm sure.

What an adventure! Phew. So I can't tell you that I haven't POAS yet...cuz I have. But I POAS on a dollar store test and I'm wondering if those just aren't strong enough (and its still a bit early)...so I brought out the big guns!!! We shall see. I think I may wait for a few more days before I do POAS again....seeing that negative yesterday was...heartwrenching. Just another negative test to add to the pile. Boo.

Here are some things one could do during their TWW....Paint some pottery!! This is to hold my paper clips on my desk!!

Eat really big pizza...that's a LOT of toppings...yeah me, miss picky eater had pepperoni...yum!! Didn't take a picture of mine though...it wasn't too exciting... :o)

Just FYI

I know a lot of you ladies are beginning to read The Time Tra.velers Wif.e. I am about 2/3 of the way through the book and the past few chapters have had some...how should I say it...very IF sensitive material. I know that we are all in different parts of our journey...and our journeys have taken some different paths so I just want to...I guess warn you guys?

Sorry this post is kindof...random...I don't know how to put it without completely spoiling the story...but I just thought I'd mention it.

**Update**
The book was good. I just spent the entire morning (four hours of it anyway) finishing the book. I cried a little...though it doesn't take much to bring me to tears lately. Now I'm excited to see the movie...its just such an interesting idea...time travel that is. Though it would be hard to never truly be surprised by anything!

Well boo.

I called yesterday afternoon to see when I should schedule my blood test. I was informed that the big day would be Aug. 17.

MY FIRST DAY BACK TO WORK.

Boo.

I was kindof hoping I could get the best/worst news of my life in the comfort of my own home so I'm not freaking out if it's not what I hope it would be.

I'll be POAS before then I'm sure...that way I'll be a little prepared.

DH is crabbing all this morning...maybe this would be a good time for my pedi!!!

Pink or blue nail polish....hmmmmm....

Or both?

*wink*

Be still my beating heart...

I thought I was so relaxed...feelin' good...so happy about being "pregnant"...and just today...

I'm nervous.

My heart is pounding...I'm feeling anxious sitting around the house...are they implanting??? Are they not?????? Will this be another negative??? Will I ever be pregnant????

Good grief.

I really want to take a bubble bath...complete with candles and relaxing music...but can I take baths now? I was under the impression I couldn't. I'm really beginning to think this whole summer IVF wasn't such a good idea...too much time for the mind to wander...I need something else to focus on!

We were invited to DH's grandparent's farm for the weekend (we would leave today) and I was all ready to go. Dh's sister is in town from OK and I thought it'd be great to go with his family to the farm, relax and get my mind off of what is or isn't happening to my body.

Now generally speaking, I do not enjoy going to the farm. For several reasons.

a) Bugs (mostly ladybugs...which are harmless, but when they're in the shower under the soap and between the sheets...it freaks me out a bit...I feel like I'm going to swallow one in my sleep.)

b) I'm not really an "outdoorsy" kind of gal (I'm not sure how my husband and I ever clicked...he is a hunting, fishing guy) and there's not much to do but fish and hike (which I enjoy...but the bug situation...mainly the TICKS...ugh)

c) I'm a picky eater and they have stew all the time...lots of stew. I can't smile when I don't like something...so I hide behind my napkin.

This time however...I was READY to go to the farm...usually DH has to beg me to go! Just a change of scenery would be great. But DH doesn't want to go. (???????) He doesn't want to take the three hour drive...he just wants to relax at our house.

That's what I've been doing for WEEKS NOW!!!!!!! I'm getting a little stir crazy!!!!!!!!!

So I guess our big plan for this weekend is to see the new GI Joe movie. Maybe I'll try to throw a pedicure in there somewhere. That would be relaxing!

Man...being PUPO is harder than I thought!

24 hours bedrest...CHECK!!!

Finally off bedrest...seriously I can't handle "taking it easy" anymore!! I like to be up doing things and this "rest time" is KILLING me!!!!! I just want to be moving around and acting normal so I don't go crazy!

Lets see..."pregnancy symptoms" that wish I could have saved for actual pregnancy but have been experiencing since starting the suppositories:

1. Breast tenderness (can't even pull on a shirt...OUCH!!)

2. Ugh feeling in the morning...almost nausea..not quite.
3. Cramping, twinges down below.

So pretty much I'm going to try my best to ignore my body because it has been telling me I am pregnant for almost a week now!!! :o) I guess that's a good thing...that way I won't be freaking out over little things.

Yesterday went great. I drank so much water yesterday...three water bottles in three hours...so on the hour drive there we were about fifteen minutes out and I looked at DH and said..."YOU GOTTA STOP!! I HAVE TO PEE!!" So we took a detour at a Toys R Us (it was weird passing all the kids stuff...hearing "MOMMY" shouted several times in the store) and then ended up in traffic because of two fender benders and made it to the appointment about ten minutes late! WHOOPS!!! There was only one other couple in the waiting room so we didn't have to wait too long.

BUT I HAD TO PEE BAD AGAIN!!!!!!

I kept shaking my leg...but seriously we waited maybe ten minutes and then they called us back, had us put on our little footies and show our IDs. Then we went back to this little dark room and I hiked up my dress and tried to wait patiently for the Dr. to come in. Another almost ten minutes rolled by and I was about to CRY I had to go to the bathroom so bad. DH went out to the nurse to ask if I could just try to empty a little and she said they were on the way in.

The Dr. came in and I told her I had to go bad, and asked if anyone had ever gone in her face before. She did not smile at that question...rather got very serious and said "Yes it has. Please warn us if its about to happen." Yikes.

They stuck the little jaws of life in with little difficulty (its hard to relax there and strain to control your restroom area...but I did it!) and got the catheter in with minimal trouble. Then the embryologist came in and asked how many babies I was taking home with me today...and I announced TWO!!! She went into the lab to grab my babies and we watched on the screen as they scooted into my uterus!! Little Pooh Bear and Piglet!

I laid there for five minutes and then ran to the bathroom!!! As I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror and thought...your babies are in you right now...WOW. As we were driving home I kept thinking...there are FOUR of us in the car right now!!! I had such a peaceful feeling...just so happy. My acupuncture appointment was an hour long but it felt shorter...I was just so relaxed and peaceful. Then I came home and parked on the couch, watched a movie, slept, woke up in the morning and watched obscene amounts of "Birth Day" and "A Baby Story" while eating an equally obscene amount of Nilla wafers. (Don't worry! That's not all I'm eating! In the past four days I've consumed nearly half of a pineapple...and I had eggs, bacon and strawberries for breakfast (good 'ol DH!)).

Anyhoo...it looks like you girls have been BUSY while I was lounging around...so I've got some major reading and commenting to do!!!!!!!!!!! I'll leave you with some pics of our wonderful day!

Yes we brought Espie this time!!!

Poor DH! He looks so tired in this pic...he's only had three hours of sleep (he works nights!)

"Good Luck" flowers from DH...he bought them on Saturday morning...the ORIGINAL transfer day! By the actual transfer three of the flowers had bloomed..hope that's not a sign!! *wink*

PUPO and proud of it!!!!

The twins are in and momma's doin' fine!!!

They were a "2" on my RE's scale of 1-5, with 1 being the best...so they actually suggested we put two in...didn't have to beg! I'm glad God took care of that little detail.

Allright I gotta hop back into bed.

More later on the transfer!!!!

Just gotta laugh...

Scene: DH and I eating dinner at the coffee table (we never eat at the dining room table...even when we're not watching tv...).

Me: Well, I guess tomorrow's the real thing right?

DH: I sure hope so...unless they keep rescheduling for 9 months and then call us up to tell us our baby is ready to be picked up!

Me: LOLOLOLOLOL

Awards!

My schedule is PRETTY OPEN right now...so I thought this would be a great time to do some awards!!! I keep forgetting that I got the honest scrap one and then when I'm posting I just post, comment and log off...oops!!!! So here it goes......

Thank you so much to Melissa over at What? IF?! http://whatif-melissa.blogspot.com/

The rules of the "One Lovely Blog Award" are: Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
Here are the nominees!!!

Emily

Lucky Jones

jenicini

Ashley

Katie

Hope in Virginia

Anna

Lorza

Straubles

ashley

Future Mommy

devon

Kelly

Marie W

Ballinghoff Family

YOU!! Consider yourself nominated!!! :o)

The same people shall be nominated for the Honest Scrap award!!! Thank you Katie!!! Wow I just saw that it was June 20th when you nominated me...LOL...sorry bout that. :o)

So here are the Honest Scrap stipulations:

1. Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design

2. Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog and leave a comment informing them that they have won the "Honest Scrap Award"

3. List at least 10 honest things about yourself

Ten honest things huh? Hmmmm. Kinda hard...I'm pretty sure you know everything about me :o)

1. I became a Christian in high school while writing letters to a wiccan friend of mine trying to convince her that Christianity was the way to go. (She really made me question the way I was brought up and made me realize even more that it was the right way!!)

2. I was homeschooled for 8 years but probably won't homeschool my kids...I became a teacher because I love the school environment so much!!!

3. I have loved cats all my life. Collected figurines...(had an entire cat shelf)...every calendar was cats...would cut out kitten for sale ads and put them on my wall. Now I have two cats...they are ripping up my furniture, carpets and marking on my clothes and the dog beds. They are about to be thrown outside!!!!!! Love of cats gone. I'm officially a dog person *GASP* Lovin' anything that poops outside pretty much. :o) (guess I'm in for a wakeup call if we get preggo!!)

4. I need 8 1/2 hours of sleep to function...I'm not nice if I get less.

5. I go to bed at 9 o'clock every night during the school year. Earlier than most of my students. (sad but true)

6. My husband was the first guy I dated/kissed....EVERYTHING. And he shall be the last and I'm okay with that!!! He's the best!!!

7. Recently I have been consuming large amounts of Nill.a wafers...not sure why....that's good stuff right there though!

8. I'm having trouble coming up with ten things for this award *wink*

9. I check my blog at least 17 times a day...its called "I'm on summer break and have too much time"...but I love it!

10. I will be making love this evening...I just called the nurse and she gave the OK!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!! Then I will be celebate until the first ultrasound. BOOOOOOO. (okay maybe we should make this a TMI award instead of honest scrap!!)

Okay that's it!!!

Tomorrow at 1:30 is my appointment!!!!!! YAYYYY!!! I'm hoping this one is a sure thing! *wink*

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes folks...I am now a day SIX transfer!!!!!!!!

Got up early this morning...couldn't sleep...opted for a relaxing bubble bath at 7am...showered at 7:45....got a call from my nurse at 8.

All this waiting is so bad...I don't really have anything to do (I cleared my schedule for the past what...three days!!!)...I could clean more but I'm not in the mood...I love shopping...but my bank account is begging me to stop.

*sigh*

The reason we are on to day 6 is because my little embies aren't quite at the blast stage so they want to give them one more day. I was really worried when I got the call because I thought maybe we had nothing to transfer!!

Hey...I'm in the 2ww either way right...whether they're in the belly or out...so now I've just gotta concentrate on relaxing and making my body the best home for those little guys!!

*double sigh*

**Update** I just came up with a BRILLIANT plan for the day!!! I'm going to set up my classroom!! I can't push things around for the next couple of weeks...so I'll get all my pushing and lifting in today!!! I'll be sure not to overdo it though...but maybe I get get out some of my frustration on some chalkboards and little kindergarten tables!!! :o)

Wowzah...

I have had a Rob.ert And.rew spa gift certificate for nearly a year now...and today I decided would be a GREAT day to use it. I called them up at 9:00 and they said I could come at 9:30...I just got back...and WOW do I feel good.

I opted for the hot stone massage...this was my first massage ever and I was little nervous, but I had this wonderful lady and I WILL be going back!! (may have to save some money first though!) ;o)

So now my blood is flowing and I feel relaxed and my body feels ready for babies!!! I wish I could have done this right before the transfer...I think that'd be perfect...they should offer that at the RE's office!

Last night I woke up at midnight with severe pain in my left ovary (the one with endometriomas) and almost like a sharp acidy pain in the center of my ovaries (like my uterus area???) It hurt sooooooo bad...I went downstairs and got my heating pad and vicotin (sp??). It felt like something was going to explode inside of me! The heating pad made it worse, but soon the medicine kicked in and I felt better.

I wonder what was up with that? I feel fine this morning!

Anyhoo...I'm excited about tomorrow and keep getting teary eyed when I think about "meeting" my kids tomorrow...WOW.

Sending lots of prayers and hugs to all you ladies!!!!!!!!

DAY 5 TRANSFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL.

Just got a call from my nurse...we are now a day 5 transfer!!! All my worrying and stressing...and for nothing.

Now I can worry and stress about Monday and for two weeks after that! *wink*

I asked what the cell counts were and how many were left but she didn't know. She said she just was told to call ASAP so I didn't make the hour drive!

Now I'm goin' to yard sales after I finish mopping the floor (I was in the middle of mopping when she called...trying to get out some nervous energy...or nesting...I dunno!!) :o)

Thanks ladies...

Thank you for all your comforting comments...I was just feeling so down...but now my spirits are lifted and I feel like I want to cry (happy tears)......

BECAUSE I WILL BE PUPO TODAY!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it...my sweet little children will actually be with me today and its more than I could ever hope for. I never thought this day would come.

God does have a plan for my life...and I need to stop being doubtful and trust Him...He sent me my rainbow...He will give me all that I need.

I'm supposed to be on 24 hours bedrest...I'll probably lay longer...but I'm going to park on the couch downstairs so I may not be able to post...(the computer is upstairs...) :o)

So don't post anything too exciting until I'm back okay???? I'm gonna be going through blog withdrawls downstairs....*wink* I always want to see what my girls are up to!!!

(((((HUGS))))))