Have you ever...

fallen in love with your husband...again...? I mean...head over heels...giggling...snuggling...playing footsie under the dinner table...talking into the early morning hours...IN LOVE....?

Its happening to me.

And man does it feel good.

I don't know if its because we are taking a break and I didn't realize the distance that IF was creating between us (mainly on my part...as I was blaming myself)...or if its because we have done devotions and prayed together every day (except one) for the past month...I think its definitely true what they say, your marriage is like a triangle, you and your husband are the right and left corners and God is at the top. The closer you are to Him, the closer you will be to eachother.

Try it out.

Its kindof awesome. :o)

Things I do...

when I'm not trying to make a baby...LOL


I went to a workshop today about integrating the arts into the classroom and got a little inspired. My grandfather is quite the painter, and I...did not inherit those genes. I bought everything to do a watercolor painting a couple months ago and got frustrated when I couldn't make my sketch of a photo I took "perfect".

However, this workshop made me realize that its not about perfection! And half the artists we looked at had as much talent as any one of my kindergarten students! So the first picture I'm going to show you is one we had to make at the workshop out of scrap papers. My DH told me to make him something and he loves his reptiles so I made a chameleon:

And then here is my watercolor rendition of the same chameleon:

And unfortunately I can't figure out how to turn the dern thing around...so you'll have to cock your head slightly (okay not so slightly) to the right...there ya go....see it now?

And everyone in unison says "WOW mommy wanna-be...that looks really good!"

LOL...thanks guys. I was thinking about writing a little poem or kids book about a chameleon...that could be fun. We'll see...

Fertility related (or lack thereof) good old AF showed up today...at least I'm plugging along on schedule...hooray! :o)

And I will leave you with that little tidbit of knowledge...hope your weekend is going well!

Just sayin' hi...

I was trying to go the whole month without posting...keeping my mind away from things fertility...though I have enjoyed reading your posts! Obviously...I couldn't stay away.

For the past few weeks I have been very carefree, focusing on my husband and God...not worrying about the calendar or what my cm was doing (ew...). I have felt such peace...not even flinching when my coworker's swollen belly comes into view, or my little students accidently call me "mom".

Today however...is a different day.

I can tell my cycle is going to start soon...my little lovely reminder that no, I'm not pregnant again. Its easy not to think about your infertility when you're not dealing with that constant reminder when you use the restroom. And I find myself getting tense and worried and ready to cry at the drop of a hat.

Why can't I just trust God and His plan? Why can't I praise Him even in the midst of this storm? I pray that he takes the fear away...the anxiety...the doubt...doubt that He could truly love me if He doesn't give me what I want. He loves me unconditionally...why do I seem to love Him only when He gives me what I want?

*sigh*

I pray that I can see that He is enough...how many times have I sang this song through lying teeth...

You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know you are near

Is He really ALL I want? What idols have I been placing before Him? Hmmm...one comes to mind!

That's what I've been struggling with today...I feel better already having blogged it out...sometimes when you're wandering around with all these thoughts bouncing around in your head it gets a little exhausting!

On the lighter side...my hubby refinished our bathtub (it was not fit for washing the DOG...all rusted and nasty (from the previous owners of course!)) :o) and we have been enjoying bubble baths...so relaxing!! There's this bath soap store called Lush. If you have one near you...stop in!! They have all kinds of yummy bath fizzes and bubbles that smell AMAZING!!! Definitely takes the bath experience to a whole new level! :o)

Taking a break...

Well, I personally cancelled my IUI this time. I just don't feel emotionally strong enough this month. My "stab in the heart" episode has left me...well...not strong enough to handle another disappointment right now.

Its not just because of that either...my sister is getting married in two months...and if I do the injectibles it sounds like I may gain more weight...which would be in the pictures that would be hanging on the walls forEVER...so I just imagine myself being fat and STILL not preggo...(because that's pretty much where I'm at right now)...and I think I should at least wait...until after the wedding. This way I can try to get back into a good workout routine, and not be bogged down by infertility drugs.

Its a hard thing to "turn off"...my desire to try to have children. And I know that if I do have endo, it will only get worse and my chances will get worse. I really have mixed feelings about my decision...I'm very comfortable with the idea of waiting...and yet I'm tired of waiting. *sigh*

I think its for the best though. So in an effort to do whats best for me I think I'm going to be checking in on you girls every once in a while...but not posting as often (at least about IF stuff)...who knows...maybe I'll decide later that I'm going to start trying again before the wedding...but right this second, I'm not ready.

Sorry for being vague again about my situation. Please keep me in your prayers...you all are still in mine!

Without saying too much....

Someone I hold dear disappointed me quite severely (stab in the heart putting it lightly)...so my weekend went like this:

Friday- fever/stuffy nose/sinus headache

Saturday- stuffy nose/sinus headache

Sunday- stab in heart/stuffy nose/sinus headache

Monday- still "wounded"/stuffy nose/AF comes

Yeah. What a winning weekend! Good thing I had three whole days to fit that all in! I don't know why I left that little...teaser post....but I was feeling really bad and just wanted to get that out there...once again, without saying too much. But things are better now...at least trying to be on the mend...thought I had enough good cries being an IF girl...put that together with bad news and WOW....right now my eyes are like the Sahara (after Niagra Falls of course!)! And I have to get observed at work this week...just the icing on the cake!

Still trying to count it all joy...because I haven't prayed quite like I've prayed in the past 24 hours...and now I'm definitely feeling God's peace and comfort. Nice to know you don't have to go it alone... :o)

Sorry for all the suspense...and the vague answer!!!!

Yes, you know my monthly cycle, but a girls gotta keep some secrets you know! *wink*

Don't ask questions....

that you don't want to know the answer to.

You ever done that? Asked a question....and then instantly regretted it because ignorance is bliss? Yeah I'm there.

SO there.

Happy Valentines Day!! AHCHOOO!!

Happy Valentines Day!

I'm not going to be a very good Valentine today...I'm sick sick sick! I left work early yesterday with a 101.4 fever...BAD sinus headache....and just achy all over really. It actually isn't too bad...better than having the flu because I can eat what I want and keep it down! I'm still pretty stuffed up today, but no fever so that's good.

Hope you all have a wonderful, relaxing and romantic day! :o)