Acupuncture is....

BOOOORRINGGG. He put the needles in, told me "goodnight" and turned out the light. The music was soothing and everything...but I had things to do...people to see and my mind would not relax! Plus I had needles in my foot, ankle (OUCHIE on that one...like a bee sting), shin, lower back, back of my neck, forehead stomach, and both my arms...a little freaky.

Can't say I feel any different...maybe I'm more relaxed I dont' know...I feel REALLY tired but I don't think that's because I'm relaxed, I think its because I was up early yesterday to get my CD3 bloodwork, then off to acupuncture, then deep cleaning (scrubbing, steam cleaning, folding, washing...etc etc...) my house because my aunt, uncle and cousin flew in last night. Since its been so stinkin' hot (especially yesterday) the top floor of my house does not want to cool down so I bought a couple oscillating fans. I put one in my bedroom while I was sleeping and I think that may have contributed to a wonderfully uninteruppted night of sleep...I love white noise...can't sleep without it.

All that to say...maybe the acupuncture helped me relax enough to not toss and turn all night...or maybe a combination of things.

My acupuncturist was very nice...said it was good that I was coming in because it increases the success rates of IVF (of course he thinks its good...I'm paying him!) :o) He told me that it does not increase the success rate to 100% so don't be disappointed if it doesn't work (thanks...I'll do my best...). He said that the chinese believe that we are put on the earth to do the best we can, but that someone else (as he points to the ceiling) is controlling what happens in the end. So I guess he is a believer...in some higher power...which is cool. :o)

ANYHOO...started BC last night...really hard for me to do. My body was like NOOOOOOOOOOOO PUT THE PILL DOWN!!! THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING YOU ARE TRYING TO DO!!!!!!!

I had to distract myself and swallow it quickly. (WHAT WAS THAT OVER THERE???!!! GULP)

DH still needs to get his bloodwork done...and I need to make a pap appointment...which I keep forgetting to do...hey...my little sister is getting married next weekend...I'm a little distracted!!

Like I said my Aunt and Uncle and cousin flew in last night...my cousin is 3 and he is a little ball of energy!!! He's the first kid to get into our newly refinished tub...it was nice to see tub toys scattered all over the bathroom...nothing better than tub time!!

We have these spray bottles that are stationed at each corner of our new couches (my cat loves to scratch on them...so we spray him)...well my cousin quickly decided that they were firefighter hoses and we had a "fire" on all the decor in the living room....nice....Cousin J (me) quickly decided that the "fire" was not inside...but it was actually out on the deck...thank goodness he believed me... :o) Kids are too funny. I'm realizing how NOT kid proof my house is...I think he'll have to hang out with me in the furniture stores for a couple hours before we invest in anything else new!!! Its amazing what kids will come up with!

I'm just realizing that my dogs really have been preparing me for having children...kids are very similar to dogs..they eat, sleep, poop and chew things up!! :o)

Good times.

Sorry to keep blabbing...I'm trying to avoid cleaning something else....ugh....

CD1...HERE WE GO........

Ah yes...the much anticipated, dreaded and yet somehow now longed for CD1. I go in for my CD3 bloodwork on Saturday, right before my acupuncture appointment.

Let the fun begin.

Wishing for sunnier days...

I feel like I've been living with a big fat rain cloud over my head. I've been trying to focus on work and mom coming in town and our upcoming IVF, but I've just been feeling more and more depressed. Other things have been weighing down on me, but of course good 'ol IF is never far from my mind.

Its especially hard on Saturday mornings when everyone is having yard sales and they are selling beautiful baby furniture/toys/high chairs/stroller/CLOTHES. Some in such great condition for such great prices I nearly buy them every time. But I don't.

Because I don't know...when...it will happen for me...or if we may adopt an older child that would have no use for those things.

So when I feel like this...all there is to do is....cry.

And pray.

And read my Bible of course.

I started 2 Corinthians and was very thankful for the first couple of verses.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 3-5

And verses 8 &9

"...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

Sometimes I feel like I'm not comforted...like God has turned His head away from me and lets me just drown in my tears. But I know that's not true...I guess I just feel like He should just make my life exactly how I want it when I want it to...everyone should be nice to me and uplifting...I should never have a reason to be upset with my husband, and vice versa...I should be extremely fertile and be a stay at home mom.

Not quite how God works though huh?

I love that song by Tenth Avenue North....By Your Side. Whenever it comes on the radio its usually when I was just having some type of depressing thought and its like God is reaching through those radio waves and talking to me...

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

I'm trying to not turn away...to run into those arms that are open wide...to rely on God instead of the things of the world to bring me joy...

Happy Birthday...

TO ME!!!!!!!!

Yes...I am the big 26 today...oh boy. The way I figure it is...one year closer to meeting my little miracle!!!!!!! My mom and sister are in town so we grilled up some chicken and then watched American Idol...what a great birthday!

My mom and dad got me one of those foam mattress pads where your hand print stays...memory foam..that's what its called. So I'm hoping for a GREAT nights sleep tonight!! Its like laying on a cloud!!

In IF news, I have an appointment with my acupuncturist (I figure when we do IVF I'll have so many needles poking me...whats a few more??) on the 23rd of May...just another step towards hopefully creating my little one!!!

Allright...there's a cloud with my name on it in the other room...goodnight!

Just another reason...

why I love my new RE...

Well, at least this new facility. I got an e-mail today asking me to do a survey to say how my first visit went (was the front desk staff nice...did I feel like my Dr. answered all my questions...etc...). I thought that was nice.

Then I got a letter in the mail from the financial lady outlining exactly what my insurance will cover, what I needed to get preapproved for, and pretty much the steps in which things would happen.

I feel like I'm so informed and cared for at this new place! The other place gave me the number for the financial lady and said call with any questions (maybe they don't even know whats going on...)...well silly me didn't know there might be things you'd have to be preapproved for so I didn't call her (I DIDN'T KNOW!) and we had to fork over $300 for my HSG...lovely.

On to better things...

And I found out that I get three free tries of IVF for each live birth...up to $100,000...that's amazing!!!! Hopefully its all I'll need...we'll see soon enough!

So I guess I can't quit my job...cuz teacher insurance seems to be pretty good. Bummer. Oh well...they better give me good insurance because I certainly am not staying there to make my first million!! :o)

Oh, and the only tests that I have to redo at this new RE (to answer your question Emily) is the cd3 bloodwork. He said it didn't matter that my HSG was a little over a year ago, he wasn't worried about that. I think he's pretty confident that the reason I'm having trouble is the endo, but maybe when we start the process he might see other problems...who knows.

And now I am going to bed...Friday nights are not party nights for me...teaching has turned me into an old lady. :o)

And a little more research....

After reading the comments on my last post I was a bit taken aback...and a bit freaked out. I've never had someone comment with such...enthusiasm. Enthusiasm that I appreciate....I think that we need to challenge eachother's thinking so that we are considering all the angles before we make a decision. IF can be so emotionally driven, its easy to just focus on the end result and the obvious "wisdom" of our RE.

So I did what my previous RE said and "googled it". (Not that I hadn't before...when he told me to research endo, I sure did!) This time I had more of a focus on the IVF aspect and how people with endo/endometriomas respond to IVF.

Here are the conclusions I came to...though they may not be 100% perfect, I feel like they make sense to me...and are backed up by the research articles I checked out...

1) Having endometriomas will decrease my chance of getting pregnant...not by much...but it will.

2) IVF is a smart choice for women with endo

3) Surgery is not always the answer right away. Scarring can occur and also it can get worse, making the organs and everything bind together.

4) Removing the endometriomas is not necessary at this point, though they may make me produce less eggs on that side, I still have one good ovary workin' for me! I may only produce 12 eggs (or less), but that's okay! Plus removing endometriomas could remove parts of my ovary and some egg making follicles.

So pretty much the research I did backed up my doctor. I have three free tries of IVF with my insurance, so I figure...lets use those...and if surgery needs to be done after (which I'm sure its in my future sometime!) then lets take care of that.

This is not a decision I'm taking lightly. It is one that is hopefully well-educated and also is being prayerfully considered. I am praying that God will make His will very clear...I am reading books about IVF and doing my research. So far I feel at peace with this decision. Thankfully its not one that has to be made until the end of June...so I have a while to consider my options!

On a LIGHTER note.......... :o)

My mom is flying in today from the other side of the country! YAY! My sister's wedding is at the end of this month and mom has lots of preparation to do...so I'd better continue cleaning my house...I always get nervous when mom comes. I don't know why...she saw my room when I was growing up and knows I'm NOT a clean freak. (and you all saw my closet and know I'm not a clean freak!) :o)

I dunno...maybe I just want to show mom that yeah...I'm taking care of myself...you taught me well. :o)

LOVE LOVE LOVE

MY NEW DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow...I really didn't know how bad I had it over at the old place....these people are AMAZING!!!!

Poor DH just came off the night shift so he wasn't feeling so hot, but we drove over early this morning for our appointment. I was so nervous and excited and tired and when we finally met the Dr. I blurted out:

"I'm just so excited to meet you! I actually nannied for two of your...uh...er...PRODUCTS....last summer!!"

I am a freak. Who says that?????????????

Me.

Okay. Moving on to the more positive aspects of the appointment.

He sat us right down, asked what we had done with the old RE and then got out two white peices of printer paper. He said that he wanted to talk to me about endometriosis and he's sorry if he bores us but he wants to just let us know what he knows about it.

(note: old RE said, "I think you have endo. Are you a googling girl? You look like one. Google it. Then let me know if you have any other questions." Any red flags going off??? I was so naive...)

So he draws this sketch of the reproductive system and talks about what endo is doing for my fertility and then draws another sketch talking about the IUI and IVF...this guy was so thorough and a great teacher!!!!!

Normal gals have a 90% chance of getting preggo in the first year. Endo gals have a 90% chance too...but over FIVE years....marvelous.

Therefore, endo gals have a lot of PATIENCE.

He basically said that IVF is going to be our best bet because it helps us to bypass all the potentially negative effects of the endo and safely put my little guy where it needs to go. He also said that he would only put in one blast because I am so young and everything looks great. (DH was actually disappointed...he wants twins!!!!!!!!) :o) Then we would freeze the rest because each time they make me put all those hormones into me, its actually feeding my endo. So if we can bypass doing that and just put the frozen ones in, it'll be better for me in the long run. And he said that pregnancy is a great thing for helping squelch endo so as my Dr. he thinks its in my best interest to get me pregnant. (GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!)

BTW he said that since I have the endometriomas on my ovary that I have stage IV endo. Wow. I really thought I would be stage I or II because I only have pain every once in a while, and not ALL the time...who knew?

So here's the game plan!

1. Call on CD1
2. Bloodwork CD3
3. Go on birth control for hopefully just a month...waiting for my insurance to clear
4. ???????????????????IVF??????????????????????

Unfortunately my last cycle started on April 20...so I've got a little bit to wait. But if the IVF works one of the first couple times I would be due (oh I hate doing these little hopefuly scenarios...they have brought me nothing but pain in the past...but bear with me for a second) spring or early summer which is PERFECT because I'll be off work!! Lots of my coworkers have their babies in April and then take maternity leave right into the summer...that would be wonderful!

Praise God for a RE who seems to actually care about my situation! I'm still scared even though the RE sounded quite positive about our outcome...but I know that the God who was carrying me when I was crying myself to sleep will still be with me as I embark on this new path.