Wishing for sunnier days...

I feel like I've been living with a big fat rain cloud over my head. I've been trying to focus on work and mom coming in town and our upcoming IVF, but I've just been feeling more and more depressed. Other things have been weighing down on me, but of course good 'ol IF is never far from my mind.

Its especially hard on Saturday mornings when everyone is having yard sales and they are selling beautiful baby furniture/toys/high chairs/stroller/CLOTHES. Some in such great condition for such great prices I nearly buy them every time. But I don't.

Because I don't know...when...it will happen for me...or if we may adopt an older child that would have no use for those things.

So when I feel like this...all there is to do is....cry.

And pray.

And read my Bible of course.

I started 2 Corinthians and was very thankful for the first couple of verses.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have recieved from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." 2 Corinthians 3-5

And verses 8 &9

"...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead."

Sometimes I feel like I'm not comforted...like God has turned His head away from me and lets me just drown in my tears. But I know that's not true...I guess I just feel like He should just make my life exactly how I want it when I want it to...everyone should be nice to me and uplifting...I should never have a reason to be upset with my husband, and vice versa...I should be extremely fertile and be a stay at home mom.

Not quite how God works though huh?

I love that song by Tenth Avenue North....By Your Side. Whenever it comes on the radio its usually when I was just having some type of depressing thought and its like God is reaching through those radio waves and talking to me...

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

I'm trying to not turn away...to run into those arms that are open wide...to rely on God instead of the things of the world to bring me joy...