Sweet Pea Update

I feel like I'm doing a lot of complaining on my blog lately....but once again SERIOUSLY it keeps piling on.

I mentioned earlier that Sweet Pea was limping around. The vet said give her a week, the x-rays looked fine. So that was last monday and we gave her a week, but she's still limping. I took her in yesterday and the bone specialist guy was in and he said "I warned the other vet about this...if you waited another week she'd never walk on that leg again"

"WHAT??!!!"

So she has avascular neucropsy of the femural something or another. Pretty much the ball of her hip is dying. She was dropped by a friend of mine a couple days after we got her, and when I held her (yelping hysterically) after the fall I heard a pop. When I went to the vet for her first checkup I mentioned this and the first vet said if she's not limping or having any trouble with it don't worry about it. Yet here we are nearly five months later and I guess it did have a serious effect on her little bone.

So she need surgery.

A.S.A.P

$1,987.86

Great.

I just keep asking God WHY do bad things keep happening? Why have the past three months been hell on earth? My parents are still at my house and when I mentioned how we seem to have an awful streak going they just said "That's life honey".

Is this really life? Is this how its going to be? One awful thing after another...I must have been SO sheltered for the first 25 years of my life. I remember bad things happening occasionally...not all clumped together so you can't take a breath in between.

We were almost late to the movies last night because of Sweet Pea's appointment. We were going to see Marley and Me with the girl who dropped Sweet Pea (okay I've forgiven her already...she felt awful when it happend! Sorry about the horrible label) and her husband. The whole way to the theater we were talking about all that money and DH said it wouldn't be so bad to have a three legged dog (WHAT??!!!) and maybe we should just leave it be.

Thankfully after seeing that movie and crying our eyes out (okay he didn't cry...but he was "sad") he had a different perspective. He was like "We'll do whatever it takes for her to be healthy again...I'll work more overtime...."

That's something that is definitely a good thing...he can work overtime to help fund the horrible random mishaps that seem all too common in my house recently. Though he is getting VERY tired out. I would work overtime at my job if I could...wait...I DO work overtime at my job...but they don't like to pay teachers for that kind of thing...boo.

Okay enough complaining. My Christmas was decent. The FIL only caused a couple awkward moments, so that was good. Christmas with my family was great...we ended up staying up til 2am on Saturday opening gifts (we started at 10pm Friday...) so that was kindof different...but still fun.

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas...I thought of you often!!

Liquid Courage....!!??

LOL...I died laughing when I read your comments...that does sound lovely...though if I brought any of that with me I would be sent right back out the door (even at Christmas)! I brought a bottle of sparkling apple cider to Thanksgiving this year and everyone was like "Whoa...you're brave to bring that in here" (when they thought it was alcohol) "Are you sure that's non-alcoholic??!!" "The twelve year old is drinking from that bottle...are we sure its just cider?"



But perhaps I will retreat to my own little stash at home prior to my entrance...which would be a bit scary because it'd be probably 8am...but if that's what it takes...I'm game. :o)


Sweet Pea's appointment went well. They did x-rays but couldn't find anything and said that her knee-cap might just be a little loose, so keep an eye on it for about a week. If she's still limping I'll take her back in.



Anyhoo...I hope you all have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!! I know that this Christmas (once again) is not exactly how (some of us) have imagined it....but our time will come...though not soon enough...



So even though some of us don't have kids...lets put out cookies for Santa...and maybe a glass of milk (or maybe a Bud Light...you know DH (uhh...I mean Santa) will be thirsty)...why not have a little fun!! :o)

Here is my Christmas e-card to you all!! (I love Hoops and Yoyo..they are too cute!)


Couldn't sign it...but I could just give you the preview...LOL...

http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ecard%7C10001%7C10051%7C788298%7C147551;-102001;11443;-102034;92054%7Cecard%7CP1R6S%7Cecards?&totalCategories=61&sortBySelect=&categoryId=92054

I take it back...

The book I recommended in my last post...should have read it before I recommended it. I've read the first four chapters and not only does she use a lot of profanity..she's very vulgar. Which is sortof humorous and informative when she's talking about pregnancy...but disgusting when she's talking about being in eighth grade being felt up by a boy. I may return the book. Darn...I needed a good laugh....

Oh...and I think we're taking a break from the IUIs this month. My RE said that with the holidays we may not be able to come in on the days we needed to. Guess I'm buying some more ovulation kits!! :o)

More good reading material...

Made another journey to good old Barnes and Noble today. I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just having coffee with a friend. A book did catch my eye though...its called "Life Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy. Let me tell you what...this lady is FUNNY. If you need a good laugh...read one of her books. She tells it like it is...(unfortunately with tons of profanity...but if you can get past that...its hilarious!)

Every time a friend of mine gets pregnant I buy Jenny's book "Belly Laughs" which pretty much goes through the entire experience of being pregnant...the good, the bad and the ugly. She leaves NOTHING out and tells the most hilarious and absurd stories! I read the whole thing in like two hours and laughed embarrassingly loud several times. I've bought so many now she probably owes me some money...but anyways...

I'm so excited about reading this "Life Laughs" one cuz I sure could use a couple giggles these days!!! So if you're in your local bookstore...check her out. You don't have to buy it...just grab a coffee and sit there and read a chapter. Have a couple napkins handy cuz your coffee will probably come spewing out of your mouth when you laugh!!! :o)

Trying for a happy post...

Okay, as I glance through my posts, the majority of them are...sad. So I'm trying for a happy one. One to put a smile on someone's face. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so...

Isn't she just the cutest? Her shirt says "Give me a present or I'll pee on your tree!". That's my little Sweet Pea and her Christmas teddy bear. I planned to give it to her for Christmas but she found it and pulled it right out of the Petsmart bag! Didn't know stuffed animals had distinct smells...but I'm glad she liked it. Here's another one...she has such big mousey ears!!

Speaking of big ears...I just finished reading the book "The Tale of Despereaux"...I saw the preview for the movie and thought it'd be fun to read the book first. I may even take it in and read it to my class. I finished it in about 3 hours...it was cute. Worth checking out, if only because the mouse is so adorable.

Okay that's my happy post. :o) I actually feel happier just typing about something...else... :o)

All I really want for Christmas...

Even though I'm doing everything in my power to concieve a child of my own, I would also love to adopt a child that has already been brought into the world. My husband does not share this desire, saying that he is not sure that he could love them in the same way as a child that came from him. Which makes sense to me and I don't want to push him at all...so I rarely talk about it.

But I do go online and check out the kids in foster homes...have you seen that you can check out their pictures and "profiles" online? Its crazy! The first time I saw it I couldn't stop crying...these were children...and they have "ads" for themselves. And to think that they don't have a mom or dad to turn to when they need to talk about something...or someone to root them on at their soccer games...it just blows my mind. This is something I totally took (and still take) for granted!!

I was checking out the "ads" again last night (I haven't looked in a couple months because it truly is just torture to see...especially when I know that's not where DH's heart is) because of my BFN. So all last night and this morning I was thinking about what we would have to do to the house to get it ready for a 6, 7 or 8 year old. (I couldn't truly go much older than that...I'm only 25...I can't imagine a fifteen year old listening to me too well!!) As I unloaded the dishwasher I thought....we'd have to get plastic cups and plates...we have all glass!! And we'd have to get an extra bed...where would they go to school? Oh yeah...the one up the street...they'd be a walker...so since DH is on the midnight shift he could walk them home from school...BLAH BLAH BLAH...

I don't know why I was allowing myself to entertain such thoughts...but they came nonetheless. Then later this afternoon I'm driving in the car trying to find a parking spot for 35 minutes (I was at the mall of course with the rest of God's creation) and this song comes on the radio.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnRNP0Qipws&feature=related

And I lost it. What a song!!! And the theme of the song is the same for me, struggling with infertility...all I want for Christmas is a family...just the tyke version instead of the parent version!!!

So I showed this video to DH...wondering if maybe God planted these thoughts in my mind...and had me hear this very song because DH was more ready for that type of thing now...

Not so much.

The video was over...I'm wiping my face and runny nose all over my sweatshirt and he says..."awww...that was a good song...do I have permission to go?" and then leaves the room. No tears. Nothing. And a pretty rude question at the end...like I was forcing him to sit there and share that song with me. I think he is a bit numb by all that is going on with his family...he doesn't want to think about anything too difficult at this time...which I understand...

I've been reading in that book that I got (Hannah's Hope) about the way men deal with infertility. And I'm so glad that I've read it because I read all these blogs and these other girls seem to have such understanding and kind husbands who are so supportive and know just what to say or what to do...but my husband just doesn't want to talk about things. He deals with pain by ignoring it. And that frustrates me cuz I need to talk it out. But in the book it said something like men are "fixers" and especially with infertility, when the man can't "fix" it...he stays away from it...and here I am getting all emotional and he can't understand it. I think that's what the book said. Maybe I need to reread that chapter. But whatever it said it made me feel a bit better...no, not better...normal perhaps.

I can't say he's not understanding or a great husband. Cause he is. He just deals with things differently than I...and that isn't always a bad thing...cuz when I'm falling apart...he's staying strong for me...and I need that too. Just sometimes (exhibit A...this evening) I feel like I'm just walking alone. Full of emotion. Full of tears. Full of anger. Full of resentment. And he feels nothing. And this old saying rings so true..."Men are from Mars, women are from Venus." *sigh*

Watch the video. Its a good one.

I know I shouldn't have...

But I sure did. At 11dpiui I POAS. Technically since I wasn't inseminated until 1:30 pm...it was 10 1/2 dpiui...but ANYWAYS...

It was definitely a BFN. Isn't it crazy how you just stare at that stupid white part and your mind plays tricks on you...you see another line...then you don't...then you hold it just a little closer to the light...and where is that magnifying glass....I knew I should have gotten my glasses prescription updated....blah blah blah. But then reality sets in. And its just absolutely crushing....another negative.

I know it could be too early. I know that some people don't have symptoms and that BFP is just around the corner. I know I should have just waited.

Still hurts though.

Days have stretched out like years for this 2ww...how am I going to endure another month of this? Or another year of this? Please God let it not be that long...I'm starting to fall down under these great weights that I carry...my shoulders are not strong enough! Thank you that you will help carry my burden...help me to give it over to you....you are in control...help me to trust that I cannot even imagine the wonderful plan you have for my life.