Well..shoot...

I guess I was wrong about my whole IVF schedule. I figured since they put me on BC that meant that next cycle we were doing IVF...but......

I'm in the "prescreening" phase where they check my blood, DH's blood (though we didn't want any genetic testing...so I'm not sure what they're checking...) and make sure my insurance is good to go.

I called my nurse freaking out because I was looking through the paperwork and it said I needed to have a mock transfer. I googled mock transfer it said it needs to be on cd3-11...and I was on cd14! I was totally bummed because I thought that because I hadn't gotten my pap smear done yet because my mind has been occupied with other things (my lil sis got married/report cards/conferences/house guests/etc)...no excuse really...this is my #1 priority right!!??

My nurse said don't worry...as soon as I take my next active pill after AF comes then she'll order the meds and send me a schedule.

So it looks like August might be my lucky month.

Right before school starts again.

Right before the stress starts again.

And I'd probably find out about my BFP or my bfn (yeah I whispered that one...shouldn't even say it...) the day of Kindergarten conferences (we have to have conferences before the kiddos come to talk to the parents about the children so we know what's coming!!!) :o)

But if I just found out about a bfn and am severely depressed...I may not want to ask a parent "So at what age did little Molly say her first word? Take her first step?" Etc....etc....

Maybe I shouldn't sit here and think about all this.

But what can I say...I am woman...I will think (torturous as it may be)...and unfortunately IF has made me very...skeptical...and has made me try to callous myself towards any future disappointment...though it never works.

Am I trusting God when I think these things?? NO. I just need to calm down and trust the Guy who has my life in His hands.

Actually my first thought when I found out we probably wouldn't be doing IVF until August was "Okay, God must want me to have a May baby...I'm okay with that!"

And now...I'm going to watch a movie with DH and try to distract myself. :o)