Longing for a Child

I've been sitting on my couch pretty much 75% of the day, though I did go to Petsmart (we are selling the puppy you see in my picture...Buttercup's baby! *sniff* she's such a cutie! So I had to run there to get some extra dog food to send her off with) and Target.

Side note on Target. Love the place. Usually I find all kinds of things I (don't) need there...unfortunately today wasn't my day. Though not for lack of trying...I had a ton of cute shirts (yeah the fitting room gal was glaring at me when I told her how many I had) but the one thing I do NOT enjoy about Target is...the fitting rooms. That mirror behind you...is....disturbingly...accurate. I never realized exactly what I look like from behind until one of my previous encounters with this store and I assure you it wasn't pretty. YIKES...so seeing that today wasn't the best thing for my mood and I quickly redressed and handed my pile of clothes to the (still glaring) fitting room gal. Sorry 'bout that.

I journeyed home and got back on the couch for another movie and decided I'd better get off my tushy and do something. I decided to rake the front lawn. I pretty much do most of the yard work around our house. I kindof enjoy it...instant gratification when its all cleaned up...plus it gets the blood pumpin. As I grabbed the rakes I noticed a package had come in the mail. I was excited cuz it was from Christianbooks.com and I had ordered a couple books for my mom and then a couple for myself.

One book is called "Longing for a Child"...its a daily devotional for people struggling with infertility. The very first devotion begins with a definition of longing: A strong, persistent desire or craving for something unattainable or distant. Yeah...feeling that allright. Then it goes on to give these verses:

Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

My soul is in anguish,
How long, O LORD, how long?...
I am worn out from groaning,
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears....
The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.
Psalm 6:3,6,9

(I'm pretty sure that verse could have been written by me the past couple of days!)

All my longings lie open before you, O LORD;
my sighing is not hidden from you.
Psalm 38:9

Done a lot of sighing lately...thank you God that you know the desires of my heart. Help me to be patient and to make my desires be for what you want. I know my desire needs to be after you first and foremost, God...this baby stuff has blinded me with fear and anger. Help me to know you are here with me. That I don't have to do this alone. Amen.