Sleep...where art thou?

I've been waking up at like 4:30 every morning for the past three mornings...and me no likee...I mentioned this to my mother-in-law and she wondered if its because I'm stressed out with all that's going on. She may be right...I don't wake up thinking about babies or the procedure, but I do wake up with my heart pounding...uncomfortably so. Then as my mind starts to wander I start thinking about stuff but...I dunno.

I do have conferences coming up and that's always a bit stressful too, considering I have ALL of them on Monday so that I can take off on Tuesday. And the holidays are going to be stressful with all the new family dimensions. So I guess I have a lot on my mind. Makes sense.

My husband was so cute yesterday morning. He works nights so on his way home he texted me with a possible baby name! That's the first time he's truly initiated something like that and what surprised me the most was it was a GIRL name!! I thought my husband would want his 'lil hunter/fisherman/football watcher...but when I asked him about this he said his little girl could do that with him too.

I quickly informed him that he was mistaken...and she'd be too busy playing princesses, baking and shopping with me!

When we first started "trying" these types of conversations were more commonplace...and then after we'd been trying for a year + we'd mention us having kids less often and nonchalontly...but with a twinge of sadness...

So its somewhat hard to unearth these hopes because while they've always been there...the fear of being let down once again is...unbearable.

We will see.

And now I think I just broke the tray that our keyboard sits on...its one of those rolly things...so I'm going to sign out...and try to fix it...